Jan 17, 2020 | Uncategorized
The Wrong Question
As moms in modern day, can we really have it all? This is
such a polarizing question in the online mom community. I believe the answer is
yes, but I also think we are asking the wrong question.
Instead of asking “Can I have it all?”, we should be asking,
“Do I really want it all?” It reminds me of an example Jack Canfield wrote in
his book The Success Principles (great book BTW.) He points out that many
people may say they’d love to have an Olympic gold medal, but they don’t actually
want to put in the incredible amount of time and effort it takes to earn one.
Yes, I could teach you my ninja-like time management skills
so that you can: have an immaculately clean home, all your clothes clean and
pressed, daily educational games with your kids, homemade meals from scratch, a
car without empty wrappers and crushed crackers on the floor, 6-pack abs, well-dressed
kids, and time to help your kids with their homework, drive them to and from
sports/activities, volunteer at school, and make money on a side hustle. Whew.
I’m exhausted just writing all that!
If you stop to think about it, do you really want to put in
the effort to accomplish all of these things? Do you want your life to be
perfect? If your answer is yes, make sure you like your reason why. If this is
just something you want, go you. You don’t need to justify it to anyone. I can
even help you achieve this.
Redefining Having it All
If you want all of this because you think it will make you
happy, make people like you, or you just feel like it’s what you’re “supposed”
to do, then it’s time to rethink your goals and priorities. What is most
important to you? Which things do you feel pressured to do, but you don’t
really care about? We are often so clouded by expectations and “shoulds”, that
we forget what we truly want.
I encourage you to take some time today to define what having it all means to you. I believe I have it all. The floor of my car may look like a garbage can and I don’t spend an hour each day perfecting my 6-pack abs, but these things aren’t important to me right now. They don’t fall under my personal definition of having it all, so I don’t give them another thought. There is no need to compare myself to others or feel less-than. I am living my life intentionally and owning my definition of having it all.
What does having it all look like to you? Hit REPLY
to this email and let me know! Then give yourself permission to go and do that
and forget the rest.
Jan 10, 2020 | Uncategorized
Losing Yourself in Motherhood
Becoming a mom is one of the most amazing experiences in
life, but it is also one of the most challenging. It’s one of those things where
intellectually you understand how difficult it will be, but you don’t truly get
it until you’re wiping poop off the wall at 3 a.m. while holding a baby that
hasn’t stopped screaming in three hours.
Those beginning phases are all about survival. Our own needs and desires are completely tossed out the window because we’re just trying to get through the day. Slowly our kids start to get a little older, but we can’t quite figure out how to start prioritizing ourselves again. Then we get to a point where we barely even remember who we are as an individual anymore.
Why Dreams and Desires Matter
For some of us, this goes on for years. We feel restless, unsatisfied and are yearning for more, but after years of putting ourselves last, we no longer know what more is or how to get it. As a life coach, one of the first things I work with moms on is getting back in touch with their own dreams and desires.
When we follow our heart-centered desires, both big and small, it will always lead us to a life filled with more purpose and passion. Making decisions from a place of self-love is the secret to feeling more alive. Everything from the clothes you choose to wear or how you spend your free time, to bigger decisions, like where you will live or what job you choose, impact if you feel in alignment with yourself and the life you are living.
The Unmanaged Mind
The problem is, when we lose touch with our true desires, we
replace them with false pleasures. When we don’t manage our minds and get in
touch with our true selves, we reach for the chocolate and wine, or binge on
our favorite shows to fill the void. It brings us pleasure in the moment, but
our true passions and desires get pushed further and further away.
I like to think of the unmanaged mind as a computer with all
our thought files randomly placed on the desktop. There is so much going on,
it’s hard to tell anymore what we truly want in life. All our heart-centered
desires and dreams are buried under thousands of thought files full of expectations,
limiting beliefs and trying to please others.
Life coaching is like sifting through those computer files one by one and organizing them into folders of what we want to keep and what is no longer serving us. When the clutter starts to clear, we can uncover desires we didn’t even remember were there. From this place of clarity, we can make decisions from the heart, rather than because we think it’s what we’re supposed to do or because we think it will make other people like or respect us. As we learn to honor our own preferences and desires, we begin to focus on liking ourselves instead of looking for external validation. This is where the magic happens.
The Comfort Zone
A word of warning: once we start to uncover our true desires,
objections start to come up. It’s just the way our brains are wired. When we
even think about trying something new, our brains assess for danger to keep us
safe. For most of us, this is where we give up.
When I first started managing my mind, I uncovered the
desire to switch from corporate wellness to life coaching. Of course, my brain
offered me all the reasons why this was a terrible idea: I would leave behind a
steady paycheck, starting your own business is hard, and the biggest – where was
I going to find the $18K to pay for certification? Normally, I would have
immediately dismissed the idea and put this desire file back on the desktop to
be buried under piles of doubt and fear.
Luckily, I was already working with a life coach who helped me address each fear and obstacle one by one. The reason most of us don’t do this is because it seems too hard to confront our doubts and fears. It’s so much easier to stay cozy and safe in your comfort zone. But ask yourself this: do you want to be comfortable, or do you want to feel fully alive?
Our true desires, no matter how deeply buried in our brains, have a sneaky way of nagging at us. This sense of yearning and restless is our heart’s way of begging us to live into our desires and dreams. Honoring our heart-centered desires is how we align with our true selves. It’s how we find our purpose.
The next time you uncover a dream or desire that seems crazy or unrealistic, I want you to open yourself to the possibility that it could happen. The regret of ignoring your desires and not going after your dreams will always be greater than the regret of it not working out. When we make decisions from a place of self-love, it will never be the wrong decision.
Jan 2, 2020 | Uncategorized
Stop Trying
I’ve noticed that many people around me don’t bother to set
New Year’s resolutions anymore. It’s not surprising given that roughly 92% of
people who set resolutions never achieve them. I have a theory that simply using
the word “resolution” is part of the problem. Words are powerful, and we have
come to equate the term resolution with something we’ll have given up on
by the time February rolls around.
The real definition of word resolution is a firm decision to
do or not to do something. But for 92% of us, that’s not what’s happening
anymore. Most of us have made the firm decision to try, not to do. Trying
and doing are not the same thing.
People don’t achieve their resolutions because they tried. They
make their dreams come true when they commit to completing the goal no matter
what. They are willing to do whatever it takes, for as long as necessary. They
don’t try. They do.
Failure is the Only Option
I used to be a person who tried to achieve a resolution. I
would start out strong, lose a little momentum, then chalk it up as a failure and
quit. Here’s something I learned this past year that changed everything: failing
is a necessary part of achieving big goals. It’s not the end of the road; it’s
an opportunity to learn and assess your next move.
Going back to the power of words, I have redefined the word
failure. It’s now a good thing to me. I try to fail as often as possible,
because it means I’m putting myself out there. Every failure gets me one step
closer to success. The only true failure is quitting.
The Plan for 2020
If you’ve given up on New Year’s resolutions, then stop making
resolutions. Make plans instead. There is no connotation of try in the
word plan. It’s just something you’re going to do. I’ve learned that goals are
never achieved if you don’t believe you will achieve them. So now I make plans
for 2020. There is no doubt, no trying. Just doing, failing and doing some
more. What are your plans for 2020?
Dec 19, 2019 | Uncategorized
The holiday hustle
I love Christmas. It is by far my favorite holiday, but the
stress of the season can sometimes sneak up on me. This year was no exception.
As moms, we wear many hats. It takes the skill of a CEO to
be the one who does it all: meal planning, cooking, cleaning, driving kids to
ALL the places, working, and on and on and on. Then December rolls around and we
somehow must find the time to shop, wrap, decorate, go to holiday parties,
visit Santa…I could keep going, but you get the picture.
This year I was ready to tackle it all with ease and grace
thanks to my newly found ninja-like time management skills. It was working perfectly, until it wasn’t. I
had scheduled each day to a T but forgot the most important part: me-time.
My body has the uncanny ability of letting me know when I’m
living out of balance. My back starts to hurt, I get acid reflux, and it feels
next to impossible to wake up in the morning. When it comes to balance and
self-care, my body is like my dog pestering me for dinner – it’s not going to
allow me to forget without many not so subtle reminders.
So yesterday I cleared my carefully scheduled afternoon and
dragged myself to a yin yoga class. After, I treated myself to a yummy oat milk
latte, and then went home and did NOTHING for the remaining hour before my kids
got off the bus. It was glorious and exactly what I needed.
I challenge you
If you’re feeling the holiday stress like I was, here is my challenge
to you: cancel something on your calendar and get in some quality me-time. The
emphasis here is on cancel. Do not just fit it in to your already busy
schedule. Practice letting go of the things you feel like you “should” be doing
but don’t really want to do. If you’re honest with yourself, you will find at
least one party, tradition or commitment that you can let go of.
Christmas is the season of love and giving. Give yourself permission
to extend that generosity to yourself. ❤
Dec 13, 2019 | Uncategorized
Seeking Passion and Purpose
As a young girl, I watched my dad come home from his
orthodontic practice every night and complain. I could have followed in his
footsteps, taken over his practice and set myself up for a nice cushy life. But
I decided early on that I would not settle for cushy. I wanted passion, purpose
and meaning.
The problem was, I did not identify myself as a passionate person.
My brother was passionate from day one. He has a strong opinion about seemingly
everything and has never been afraid to share it. When he believes in something
or enjoys it, he goes after it. If he spots an injustice, he fights it. He has definitely
staged a sit in or two in his time.
I’ve always secretly admired him for his strong convictions.
I spent my life comparing myself to him, and somehow along the way decided I
was not a passionate person. He was born one; I was not. That is simply how the
cards were dealt.
Limiting Beliefs
Decades later, I now know I was wrong about myself. That’s
the trouble with the identities we give ourselves. They are not absolute
truths. They are merely beliefs we form over time, and often, they are wrong. I
had decided I wasn’t passionate, so I blocked myself from seeing my own passions.
It turns out I knew exactly what I wanted to do at the age of 18, I just didn’t
see it. But that’s a story for another day.
I write all of this in hopes that you can begin to question
your own identity. What if how you have been describing your own traits and qualities
has been wrong all along? Perhaps, like me, your limiting beliefs formed in
childhood are merely blocking you from seeing your own purpose and potential. I
invite you to get curious, dive deep and open yourself to the possibility that
you may have mistaken your own identity.
Dec 5, 2019 | Uncategorized
What’s wrong with me?
This simple question causes so much unnecessary pain in the
world.
Many of my clients come to me looking to be fixed. They believe they are broken somehow. They think everyone else has found the ultimate happiness, or at least they have life figured out.
The truth is there is no holy grail of happiness. It’s all a
façade. We are all human. Every single one of us feels doubt, shame,
embarrassment and fear. Life will always be 50/50: half negative emotions, half
positive.
A collection of beliefs
The best gift I can give you is to tell you that nothing is wrong with you. The identity of brokenness you have created for yourself is just a collection of beliefs that have formed over time. Up until now, you have been shaped by your past experiences and the thoughts that have been on repeat in your brain.
Your identity is not set in stone. The beliefs you have
about yourself are malleable. The best way to start is by letting go of the
illusion that other people are happy all the time. Let go of the lie that you
are broken. You are human. You are worthy. The life you have lived so far is
exactly what it was supposed to be.
As long as you believe something is wrong with you and as
long as you believe you are broken, you will feel broken. From this point forward, you get to decide if
you want to keep this identity of brokenness. If the answer is no, start to
question its truth and decide what you want to think instead.
You are just as worthy as the next person. There is nothing
wrong with you. You are human. Life is 50/50. Embrace it.
