Nov 29, 2019 | Uncategorized
Wanting what you have
On my Thanksgiving Facebook Live, I talked about one of my favorite concepts I learned during certification at The Life Coach School. Here’s how it works: make a list of 25 things you want to be, have or do in life. Then look at the list and take note of how many items on that list you already have. If you’re anything like me, the answer will be zero.
The idea of consciously wanting what you have was completely foreign to me, but once I tried it, I was hooked. This practice is both profound and empowering. I like to think of it as taking gratitude to the next level.
Taking responsibility
Wanting what you have helps you to create love and acceptance for where you are right now, while also inspiring you to change and grow. This practice teaches you to take 100% responsibility for your life. Your spouse is not your spouse because you got married 10 years ago. They are your spouse because every day you have chosen to keep them as your spouse. When you accept responsibility for your life, you get to decide what aspects you want to keep and which you want to change.
There is always another option
If you ever catch yourself saying that you don’t have a
choice, notice that this is a lie. We all have free will. There is always a
different option. You may not like the other options, or perhaps, you’re just
not willing to do whatever it takes to pursue them. If this is you, own it. You
are the only person responsible for your life.
I challenge you to practice wanting what you have. Sit down
and make a list of 25 things that you already are, have or do, and want to keep.
Notice how this feels different than gratitude. Pay attention to what aspects
of your life you don’t want to include on this list. Take responsibility for
that and decide what you’re going to do about it.
Nov 12, 2019 | Uncategorized
We’ve turned failure into a dirty word.
We’ve equated it with a feeling of shame or embarrassment.
What if I told you that failure is not an obstacle to success, but a necessity?
That you should be embracing failure instead of fearing it?
If you want to create change in your life, you must step out of your comfort zone. Let’s say you want to find a new job. You apply, you interview and then you don’t get the job. You failed. What are you making it mean? If you decide it means you’re incompetent, then you’re going feel shame and quit searching.
On the flip side, if you decide it’s just another step closer toward completing your goal, you’re going to keep applying to jobs until you find one.
Failure is just a learning opportunity.
I like to think of failure in terms of a science experiment.
Did you know it usually takes between 10 and 15 years to develop a new vaccine?
If scientists gave up after the 1st, 2nd or 3rd
trial, vaccines wouldn’t exist. They don’t see each failure as a sign they
should quit. They use it as a learning experience; a stepping-stone toward
success.
There is no successful person alive who has not failed at
some point. They just didn’t use it as an excuse to quit. They failed, they
learned, and they kept going. I’m not saying it was easy or without
disappointment, shame or embarrassment. Even if it’s hard, it’s ok, because you
can do hard things.
The next time you notice you’re afraid of failing, do it anyway.
Oct 9, 2019 | Uncategorized
You Are Your Own Worst Critic
What if I called you a stupid, fat and lazy mom who will never do
anything of value in life? You would probably hate me, right? Then why
are you saying terrible things like that to yourself? Bullies can be
downright mean, but the biggest bully of all is often your inner voice.
When you try to lose weight, who tells you it’s impossible and that
you’ll never be the weight you want? You! When you dream of success, who
doubts that you’ll be able to get there? You! Who tells you over and
over that you don’t have any passions, that you aren’t providing any
value in the world, or that you’ll never have your sh*t together? Again –
you!
I’m here to tell you that your inner voice is a liar. These things
aren’t true. They may feel very real to you, but they are just thoughts.
Want the best news? You get to decide what you think about yourself. No
matter what’s happened in your past, what you see in the mirror, or
what you’ve accomplished so far, you get to decide who you are.
Awareness is Everything
The first step to this process is always awareness. What thoughts are
you currently thinking about yourself? Often it is so automatic that
you don’t even notice it’s happening. I challenge you to sit down for 10
minutes and just write all the thoughts in your head. No filtering. No
holding back. You may be shocked to see the amount of negativity down on
that sheet of paper.
Here’s the secret to life: our thoughts create our emotions, and our
emotions drive our actions. If you’re thinking terrible things about
yourself, you’re naturally going to feel pretty crappy. Guess what’s not
going to happen when you feel this way? You’re not going to put
yourself out there or show up in your life in the way you would like.
You’re going to hide behind your limiting beliefs and block yourself
from your true potential. In a nutshell, you’ll never grow into the
person you want to be if you keep metaphorically punching yourself in
the face!
Oct 3, 2019 | Uncategorized
Where Does Happiness Come From?
What would make you the happiest version of yourself? Whenever I ask
my clients this question, they usually respond with something external
like more money, being skinny, having a husband (or maybe wishing for a
different one). That’s because they’re buying into the trap that we need
to seek happiness outside of ourselves.
The truth is that happiness comes from within. All feelings are
created by our thoughts, not our circumstances. It’s not surprising that
most people confuse the two because we’ve been conditioned from a young
age to believe that buying a certain product, losing weight or finding
the right man or perfect job will make you happy. It’s simply not true.
I can already tell that some of you will read this and not agree. You
will look to your past for examples of times when changing something
outside of yourself made you truly happy. Perhaps you were struggling
financially and asked for a raise a work. When you got the raise, you
were ecstatic. But it’s not the raise itself that made you happy, it was
the thought that you finally wouldn’t have to worry about money.
Money itself doesn’t have the power to control your emotions. It’s
completely neutral. You had a thought about it that generated your
excitement. Why is this distinction so important? If you had negative
thought patterns before your raise, they won’t magically disappear when
you get more money. This is exactly why most lottery winners end up
miserable. They think money will solve all their problems, but then they
realize it’s not true. Money doesn’t make you happy. Your thoughts do.
Think Yourself Happy
It sounds so simple that thinking happy thoughts can make you happy,
but here’s the kicker: you must believe the thoughts. If you think you
are fat, you can’t just tell yourself you’re the perfect size and
instantly be happy. This isn’t a fake ‘til you make it scenario. You’re
not going to automatically go from thinking you are fat to loving your
body. You have to believe it.
When I first learned this concept, it made sense but felt impossible.
I can create my own happiness by thinking happy thoughts, but how am I
supposed to believe them? Then through life coaching I learned how to
cultivate self-awareness, manage my mind and start to truly believe on
purpose. It changed everything.
