I’ve been working with moms on setting goals for almost a year now, and I’ve noticed a depressing trend: most moms suck at setting goals.
It’s like there is some unspoken rule that once you become a mom, you’re only allowed to go after shit you want in following categories: losing weight or managing your household.
As if the only thing that matters anymore is looking good and being the mom who perfectly juggles all the things.
Hey, moms?!
What the hell has happened to us?
We used to dream big about things like making a difference in the world, creating inspiring art, or starting our own company. But after changing a few diapers, we’ve somehow reduced ourselves down to superficial, shell versions of our former selves.
We know there’s more to life than managing how we appear to the outside world, but if I hear another mom tell me her big focus for the past few years has been just “losing the last 10 pounds,” I’m going to scream. Like the kind of embarrassing scream that makes people turn their heads and wonder what’s wrong. Because something is very, very wrong.
We are badass, imaginative, smart, strong women and the best we can do is set out to look good in a bikini or renovate the half bath? I call bullshit.
I know there are other women out there who are sick and tired of obsessing over the scale. They’re wasting their incredible brainpower on picking the best cabinet color to match the walls. They would rather rip their eyeballs out than craft another Pinterest-worthy lunch. Who cares if you have the perfect body, house and lunchbox if you’re dead inside?
Because that’s the devastating part.
If losing the weight and picking the cabinets lights you the fuck up, then go for it, sister. But most of us are just playing house, putting our lives on the back burner because we’re scared, and we’ve forgotten how to think about ourselves.
I know you want more. I know you want to feel vivaciously alive again.
Ads and Instagram posts sell us ‘aliveness’ by pinning us against each other, against ourselves, making us feel like we’ve got to do more to maintain the image of “good mom,” “beautiful woman,” “worthy wife.”
And yes, there are cultural things at play, but how many of us are doing this TO OURSELVES?!
We’re scared. We’re scared of what the world will say about our worthiness as mothers if we go after a goal that isn’t directly related to caring for our families. We’re scared that we can’t actually achieve big things, that we’re not capable anymore. We’ve spent so long abandoning ourselves in the name of motherhood, we no longer recognize our own badassery.
So we insist on making our goals superficial.
No one will blame us too hard if we don’t lose the weight. The failure risk is low for the half bath.
But something that matters to us? That makes our eyes get big and our heart beat fast? That shit is scary.
Going after it means putting something on the line. It means we’ve chosen to matter in our own lives, and so many of us have unknowingly abdicated that role to our kids, our partners, sometimes our careers (even if we’re bored to death by them).
Have you noticed that men don’t seem to have this problem?
The main difference between fathers and mothers is that men don’t feel the need to ask permission to go after what they want.
And they certainly aren’t worried about not being qualified enough.
Moms have lost all belief in themselves.
We feel like we have to be externally validated with another degree, certification or someone else’s opinion before we can take a big leap. We think that this will finally make us worthy to do something audacious.
But it’s just another way of seeking permission to take up space in this world beyond motherhood.
If you feel that sinking in your stomach and fire under your ass, good.
The women before us fought to give us equal access to participate in positions of power. We can vote, hold political office, own property and enroll in higher education. On paper, we have power. But generations of people-pleasing and permission seeking doesn’t turn on a dime.
The groundwork has been laid but changing society as a whole begins with us as individuals. It changes with you.
It’s our turn to do the inner work required to set huge goals others may think we have no business going after, and then to fucking go for them.
Hey, it’s cliche, but we are the change agents for the next generation.
We are the ones growing and learning how to step into our full potential of power, the women leaders that show the world how it’s done.
Not someday when the kids are grown – right now.
And it starts by refusing to play small with your goals. Give yourself permission to dream wildly.
(Read this post on how to set better goals.)
As Glennon Doyle would say, we are goddamn cheetahs. Run, baby.
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Feeling scared? Not sure how to take the next step? Needing support in chasing your next wild dream? Set up a free coaching call with me.
